Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
