you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
