Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She bit a glass in half.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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