did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
