Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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