If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
