i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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