I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
