i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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