Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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