Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
