We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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