dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
