I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
areolas are like halos for boobs.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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