I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
