He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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