i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize