I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
