ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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