I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
