ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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