You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
