I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
that may or may not have been my penis.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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