the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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