I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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