Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm at about main and main street
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I think people are normalizing furries
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
