I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
