But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Houston, we have a blender
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
