I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
