508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
