Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
