The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
