SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize