Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
