u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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