What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I have aggressive nipples.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
