You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
is wine microwaveable?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
