You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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