her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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