I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
