Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
