We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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