You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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