We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
