i jhust puked up my retainher.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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