so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
