the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
