1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
