Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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