i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
