this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize