I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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