Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
