ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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