you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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