I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
