Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
