He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
