I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
