Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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