i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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