I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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