please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
