Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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