Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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