I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
