New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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