He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
