i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
