Joe is yelling at the trees again.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
