how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I FOUND THE LEGS
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
